Traces of you

there are places within these walls
that hold the memories of what use to be
only from its past to its present
these walls hold moments in its own history
these walls hold the traces of you...
the chair you use to sit in
the one you grew into
the chair where the light left you
the same chair where the darkness found you
this chair holds traces of you
there are spots all around this place
from the bed to the ground
to the scents that sometimes float in the air
they trace an outline, a figurine of what was once there
these are the traces of you
from the creeks in the night
which mimicked the sounds of your nightly flights
to the doors from the neighbors’ homes
which brought back the times, 
those times to where the door creaking wasnt mine
the flicking light wasnt mine,
when that bump in the night wasnt mine
to the window to the right where all the light shinned wasnt mine
because "physically" your trace was connected to mine
these walls hold the traces of you
from the cup to the plate to the forks i wash daily
from the floor to the ceiling to the mirror i check myself in
to the air that floats so still, so invisible yet is still seen
these walls embody the traces of you
and this wall, yes this wall so strong and pretty
this wall that will never move because before its time it was destined to be here
to serve to protect to hold the stories of what happened here
fore this wall holds the truths of the stories it wont tell
this wall holds the secrets to the gates of where burning is prevailed
the wall that merged itself so bold and brightly to become a unit
with all the elements that come together and fit themselves so nicely
the final place where history called it the finally date in its chapter
the place where history chose to stop the future so that it wont be sought after
the final place where these walls will talk amongst themselves...
this is the final place of the traces of you
for now and forever
until the day the sunlight flashes blue
and the clouds shall move down to replace the rain so it wont fall anymore
these are the elements that create the traces of you
the elements that time wont let speak anymore...

It's your love i Lack...

There's a time in this place
a distance bound by the circumstances that be
the reasons why your heart cant see me
the reasons why my skin cant touch yours
the reasons  why we are who we are
the reasons why we be where we be
if there was some magical way for me to change this space
for me to change your time
for me to make the sun and the moon align  just for us
i'd do it
if there was some magical way to put me and you in each others space
yet we're together at the same time
i'd see right to it
but alas the truth remains
we exist in the same time yet seperate lives
we breathe the same oxygen yet different variations
our hearts beat to there own tunes
yet our emotions, they link us like the distance between the tides & the moon
i feel you hear touching me
i hear your breathing as our souls grow closer with time
i am...you
and just as i become you
reality sits in
for we realize we are on opposite ends
2 places, 2 spaces, sharing the term of " friend"
lacking what our lives should have been
i guess we have to blame it on one of our past lives sins
so maybe in our future lives the curse will be lifted
and we can be together again,
but until then
we shall fall to sleep to the same moon
watch the same sunrise
as we remember in our minds,
its life's distance that keeps me from staring into those beautiful brown eyes...

"Just like the rest"

i decided to go out on a limb with you
i started off weary but that smile of yours damn it was so cute
when i thought of your face your eyes gave me a since of peace
probably way to much to be thinking after one week,
but i guess i can blame it on those words you said to me
you know the "damn your soul reminds me of me" routine
where a guy says something that instantly makes your heart weak
that prey on the meek line, so to speak
our first full convo it lasted for hours
and from that time this guy thought maybe you could officially be his flower
especially telling me how you love to keep it real
the world will know how you feel
and me and you, the electric connection,
made it possible for us to decide that we needed a round two to this session
or should i say lesson because i was soon to learn
that you're just like the rest
its amazing how we have close to the same background
grew up in damn near the same town
and were searching for love, because it was time for it to be found
yet i was soon to learn how i would drown
because what i was searching for, you already had to adore
but that comes later on,  because right now this man is so not scorn
communication was on the rise but slowly fell
text messages with two way streets slowly became this one lane closed
and i.... i kept pushing on because you told me that this couldn't be wrong
and you told me that you could feel this bond
and you made me feel as if i was your forever in a dream
truth is i was suppose to be a fuck that never ended up even happening
good thing i have morals, to bad yours became unseen
i honestly don't know what to say
i mean is this my life ???
is this treatment OK ???
i cant seem to grasp as to why you would lead me on this way,
i guess i was suppose to be that good Ole side line hoe
seeing as how you're cute and all
and how any of these guys will drop there draws just to say they slept with you
but i was trying to get to you know mentally and emotionally which would've lead to the physical
but obviously that wasn't in your plan, you probably thought i was just a "fan"
you see, you became so see thru
so i knew the details of your game before you could even think about it
i mean THINK about it
i told you i've meet the best of your group before
you smile like the rest of them
talk like the rest of them
move like the rest of them
kiss like the rest of them
lie like the rest of them
hell slowly almost made a part of me die like the rest of them
yet you claim you are so different
and for a while i thought you were
had me fooled,
here i am twice removed
because you just wanted to make this man your coming of a new age fool
but sorry, i don't do the tick mark on the wall, walking around with your stamp on my head thing
just to say oh yeah i been with that
because i thought you were more than that
the THAT that my already completed life wanted to add its completion
but oh well, i will take it as it was
we had good times ( in my mind) our moments were fun
oh i like how you popped up with a new him on your arm
but i already knew that was coming
how, because i already have experienced your type time and time and TIME again....
but its ok my search wont end
i just hate that it wasn't you who could bring me to where life begins again with this love and happiness sin
but just like the rest
i'm wishing you the absolute best
oh yes p.s.
DO NOT come knocking on this door again
your access !! officially denied,
don't believe me ??
just go ask him, and him and defiantly him
because just like you will, they all came back for a second try
so here is your ticket now homeboy, with your scripted words, go stand in line
because i truly ain't got the time
i'm on the search for my future
so to you and your kind, BYE BYE....

If...

If I gave you the chance to peek into my soul

would you grant me the honor to embrace your heart?

will you let me help you grow your spirit

to intertwine it within mine

so that you can be assured that our love will never part

can I take you by the hand and show you things that you've never seen

stand beside you and behind you just so you know that I’ve always got your back

and I will always be by your side because it is I...

the one who loves you

the one to wipe away that tear that gentle falls from your eyes when you upset

to lead you through your fears, because no one should have to do it alone

not you, not while I’m here

the one who wants to make you the happiest because I refuse to hurt you the most

I just want to bask in your beauty, and soak you in my love.

If you let me take your body into a place where time and reality don't exist

I can give you the ultimate love

an orgasmic experience shared simply with a kiss

a love sealed by a finger tip touch

look into my eyes, the glow is because I love you so much

If you let me be these things and so much more

I promise this will turn into the life you hoped for

the life you dreamt of

the life you had no idea this would come to be

I can love you endlessly for all of time

love you effortlessly, can you see it in my brown eyes

I’m here putting my emotions on the line

just so that you will let me nurture the diamond that you are

and show you just how priceless your worth is

I think your being is beautiful

your smile is magical

your lips as soft as the inside of a rose

I could love you and so much more

IF you just take this walk with me though love's door ,into the garden of love's eternity, and through the gate of destiny

now come with me.........

Silly Bitch in Love....

Thinking back on the days
when it was you in my fall through spring
i loved you joyously
in my mind
there were no others
no side dips, sharing other peoples covers
it was just you and me, my earth partnered lover
soon i discovered
i was just another silly bitch like the others
i did all i could for you
cooked, cleaned, provided for you
just so you would know just how much i was into you...
i just did what i thought i needed to do
to make sure that you kept your love true
to me, to us, to this commitment we dreamed about
well i guess i  dreamed about
because you slowly turned
late nights out phone straight to voicemail
coming in early saying there were cars you had to trail
late night texts which made you smile
yet you couldnt have sex with me,
you dare to reject this wild child
so i slowly turned into the "Silly Bitch"
i fought harder and harder to keep you near
i did things that no one else would dare do
because i may have been growing into that silly bitch,
the silly bitch who loved you
but at the same time
i was just being that silly ass man for you
i accepted your stories even tho i knew they were lies
i accepted yo cheap ass, as i was the one who always had to buy
i accepted you telling me you loved me,
because in my mind those words made it all fine
you see this silly bitch did all he could to keep you around
i read the handbook, i wrote the codes down
keep yo man 101, i knew it backwards, forwards, sideways hell even for the "bi" ways
but yet i still wanted to be that man for you,
while you wanted to go screw everything that would let you
you brought undeniable pain to my heart
but i was silly enough to agree when you said lets give it another start
and i still ended up crying,
soul dying
pride... no more
but i still stayed yo silly bitch as you walked in the door
i still stayed yo silly bitch when you cried to me about what you were going through
and not once did you ever cry about me and you
i stayed that silly bitch when that kiss was no longer mine
i stayed that silly ass man when they were going to cut the power line
i stayed that silly ass man when you account was redder than mine
i stayed that silly ass man who accepted your lies....
so i guess thats what a silly bitch in love has to live by
heart break, betrayal, and denial
fake love, real pain, imaginary situations of things being alright
damn....
i was just so silly to keep loving you
but i hope you and your new silly bitch makes it through
because you willl never be half the man to him that i was to you......

I'm Tired... ( inspired by the song "Tired" by kelly price)

Im Tired
tired of the things life gives me
im tired
tired of the way people treat me
im tired
tired of the games i have to play
im tired
tired of my heart being lead astray
im tired
tired of waiting for what  love gives
im tired
tired of discovering what new pain is
im tired
tired of just giving me all
im tired
so tired i dont want to exist at all
im tired
tired of wearing the cape around my neck
im tired
tired of no one hearing the shouts and screams
im tired
tired of those who cant see the human in me
im tired
tired of mainting my peace and sanity
im tired
tired of doing right through some one else's wrongs
im tired
tired of rebuilding my soul, to just move on
im tired
tired of shots taken at my pride
im tired
so tired i just cant sleep at night
im tired
tired of the wars and the killings
im tired
tired of people and there believings
im tired
tired of peoples surface insecurities
im tired
tired of those who refuse to believe that this is real life, not somebodies day dream
im tired
tired of my bank accounts steady fall
im tired
tired of those who refuse to call, on the one who can change us all
im tired
so tired that i dont see my own self worth
im tired
tired of writing these sad words
im tired
tired that im feeling my heart fade
im tired
tired on waiting on the dawn of the coming age....
IM TIRED !

Reality is...

I'm trapped inside this reality

where i'm not the norm

forced to run and hide and just comply

for fear that i may lose my life

forced to live your way

having to agree with what you say

all because my feelings dont obey the message that your "good book" conveys

I am he this is true

i function as the best of you can do

i sleep, eat, and breath the same way you do

yet im still outcasted to the likes of you

inside you dont know how i hide

you dont know the internal tears ive cried

and the guilt, the shame, the fear i have to swallow deep down

just so i can wear that crown

you see in your world your free

you speak your mind

you drink you wine

you party freely and have a good time

as i continue to lurk in the shadows deep in the out skirts of your world

just to live out who i am

just to be who i was put here to be

i guess one day in time our worlds will collide

and from there on non of us shall hide

and the friend ship between me and you shall die

because then shall start the battle where i will fight you to save my life

where i will fight you to stand for whats right

where i shall fight you so that i can begin to live freely with brave might !

till then my friend continue to pray on the meek,

for the day will come it shall be the meek you will seek....