i had a private party... NO NOT THAT KINDA PARTY GEEEEX PERVES !!! LMAO

sooo i woke up today and i felt different for the first time in a month. i jumped up turned on the t.v. made my oatmeal ( im such a old man) and danced to some music. i was care free, energetic, wanting to get out and have fun, i was wimbley. i set up most of the previous night praying and re reading what i had wrote. i came to realize you become what you want your self to be. i wrote about the worse case scenario of being bitter and becoming scared and not knowing whats going on with my heart. all of those things which are true were how i felt then. you see i had to put myself on the "oprah" couch and listen to myself and i was like seriously chris i mean "seriously" i took a trip back down memory lane and realized if life didnt make me stop moving on then why would i even entertain the idea of letting it start now. so im not. i woke up this morning in a new frame of mind, my old frame of mind, which is no matter whats thrown at me, what happens to me, who happens to me, no matter how fucked up something maybe, it wont stop me. im built head strong and i thank god for that. ive been told i have a strength in me that others have yet to understand. but to those i say thats because you let people and life get you down. besides being here to do what i want, to accomplish my goals set forth, i also have amission which i dont know if its started or when it does but im ready. im a helper, a listener, and some how through the words that i can write and say im also a healer. so many people have felt better mentally and physically from things ive said and it makes me feel good. i only like to speak the truth weather people think i am or not truely i dont give a shit what you think (thanks). i woke up knowing what needs to be done, what in me needs to change, where the nice guy should stop, and where the nice guy doesnt end. on a more important note me and me heart ( wave hi to the folks in blog land heart) had a great convo and he told me its time and i agree because the one thing i cant do is carry hate in me, not my style. some think its foolish but i dont i have no time cuz i have things to do. so this is dedicated to those out there( family, friends,lovers, whoever) who feel or know that i have some type of hate, resentment, dislike, anything negative towards you. consider it there no longer. now we know what happened but im not gone let it stop life or hold me down. things happen for some odd reason and i can say that over the past few weeks ive been doing my thinking and yeah the end result is my usual. let it go to fly away free. i will always have the memories in my mind of everything, hell who doesnt, but i can forgive and not forget yet just because i dont forget means that imma be that "bitch" from the previous blogs towards you. naah its not wimbley's style. see i almost fell into the trap of what people think of the way i go about things and to an extent i listened and now i know because i talked it over with the man upstairs ( i know he is tired of me lol) so yeah personally i got some changes happening and thats ok i will be happy with these changes which are going into affect as we speak but for the most part of staying me. so to all of you who think im stupid, crazy, dumb for anything that i do. thank you. with out people like all of you i wouldnt be me ( and no im not saying that negatively). so yeah its me, and im back to loving me because happiness in life truely begins when you love yourself and i love all the fat parts of me lmao but seriously im here and im here for everyone. of course im sure i wll have more bad days, more sad days, more upsetting situatations but thats life and there's nothing i can do about it but take them as they come deal with them all the while trying to set my shit up to make sure that imma be ok. soo the listener, the goofy, the dummy, the jokster, the espiring poet and song writer,the therapist(lol), the blogger, the helper,the friend is here to stay he almost left was about to do a big 360 but why. espcially when 99.9 % of people dont get it anyway so why would i do a whole change based off what others say when i think i was doing fine before then sooooo with a few personal tweeks i think imma be fine after because i even said it myself i fall into a minority of folks who care and i dont like the way the majority act soo why join them ?????

dont know how to get my heart back to the way it use to love

its funny because when life throws you lemons, your suppose to take shots of tequila lol lol naw seriously life throws us all types of lemons with some being more sour than others, but the true test is how you deal with those lemons. i guess ive had a lot of lemons, foot ball sized lemons to be exact and i dont dwell on them or deal with them as long as the average person.if that was the case then i really wouldnt be talking to half the people i do. i mean in life people make choices,i just wish i wouldnt been in mind when the choices were being finalized, which leads me to todays blog. as im sittin here listening to keyshia cole second cd "just like you" tracks number 9 ,10,11 i realize for the first time in life my heart is now not what it use to be. usually once i move past the pain im all good ya know whatever happened to me i can forgive and move on at least i know how to be cool because there's something in me that can build up a wall to put hateful emotions out and that wall is existing now but yet the problem is with my heart, my heart just isnt like it use to be. i mean this time last year i went through a change which caused me to be a new me i was involved in a relationship that to this day many dont know the details but it was one of those where i'll put it like this either a person should be totally fucked up in the head afterwards or never able to trust or give there all to another, yet i kept going and now i dont know i can feel my chest and its like nothings there and i just dont get it. i hope that im not turning into the one thing ive tried to never become in my life...bitter. i hope im not turning into one of those that hate people who did things to them, one of those who start to not care, one of those who never have the heart that i have well had. or hopefully im not turning into one of those who are scared...scared to give there all and scared to show there heart again. please god i hope not. taking a chance has been me for a while and i hope that doesnt leave me. i dont know hopefully its a phase hopefully i'll wake up tomorrow feeling like im the old me, because now even people i know are seeing im not the me who i was a short while ago,people who i dont see but talk to on the phone know that im not the me from way back then, the me then had a lot on his plate yet i thought i handled it all and still made time for me. maybe thats it maybe with all that happened i burned out and now i gotta wait for it to become lit again, i dunno but i know there are changes i need to make personally, so i guess maybe this is also a sign of growing older.or maybe im doing like our immune system the older you get the harder it gets for it to get back to normal. i've always been told that if you dont change something ever so often you arent growing. it could be anything from attitude to wearing a different kind of socks. i dunno but i cant wait to become a butterfly again....

just saying...

im guessing if you have a blog you suppose to use it right lol lol well here it goes. i guess there comes a point in your life when you have to either like yourself no matter what or probably adhere to some of the criticism people are slowly saying about you and when it becomes repetative thats a red flag. so where did this all come from ? the fact that over the past year especially the past few months everyone i know has attacked my character so it has me thinking. its crazy cuz im a cool guy fun to be around to be with (so ive been told) but everyone says the same thing: i do to much for other people. i guess outside looking in it probably seems that way and for the concern of those around me thank you i truely appreciate it. its just that not everyone knows everyones situations. it just so happens that inbedded in my character is the "flaw", as ive been told as it is, that if your down with no one to turn to, if wimbley's got it wimbley's got you. there are times where i have had to do things above and beyond the call of duty. why ? because thats me and thats how i view friendship. i do unto others as i would have them do unto me yet in my mind i know they wont do unto me like i can do unto them. and i dont have a problem with that. despite the messed up situations ive been in ( another blog for another day cuz i gotta lot to say on that) ive been blessed and by being blessed ive been able to hold my own and also hold down others. now its crazy as people tell me what they would and wouldnt do and for this person and how they'd be like "oh well" but im not like that. since i was little i always wanted to be like jesus. (i'm not a church boy doesnt mean i dont have any faith) he helped out those who either couldnt do anything for him, those who turned there backs on him, and those who didnt give a damn. im not the person to be like well i know you cant do for me like i can do for you so screw you. if i did that what type of person would i be. i dont think i'd be wimbley anymore i think i'd fit into the regular norm that majority of this world seems to have. i guess its like i came from nothing, young very poor and i stuggled damn it and ive been hustling this game of life ever since. now im still struggling but i see more sunshine than grey clouds. so i hate to see people struggle most people didnt come from the bottom of the barrel im climbing out of so to be able to help someone out feels good because alot of people are going through things ive been through so i know how it feels i know how it hurts and i dont want people to feel the pain on any level that i have. so when i all boils down to it these attacks on my character are a bit surprising to me but not really. i guess the thing that hurts is just that the people doing the attacking are the ones ive helped out numerous times and i never ask for anything in return, but again i take it as people looking out for my best interest. look it just boils down to i want everyone to be happy and if i can help people acheive some sort of happiness, a happiness i wasnt able to have myself, then guess what imma do it. ive lived 25 years of hell and havent been brought down yet, people want me to be ( for lack of better words) this up tight kinda snoody bitch and im sorry thats not me. yeah i went to college, yeah im in grad school, yeah i have a decent job, and im a lil cute, soooooooo since i have all that that means im suppose to change who i am, sorry but im not falling into that category because im no better than any one else and i dont feel like im better than anyone else so why should i treat people like they are beneath me. not my style not me kid, and im sure if i would be that (bitch) then i would be funny acting, and if i stop helping people like i feel is part of my mission in life somehow to do, then i wouldnt be able to live with myself so i dont know maybe i do need to stop being me, if to many people say the same thing maybe i am wrong in the way i view things who knows, but hey im just saying....

the first blog oooooooooh

so it was suggested to me to start a blog. never did this before actually blogging about things but there's a first time for everything so here i am ready to blog about the world of wimbley ( boring already isnt it) well this is the first posting yup i know i aint said shit right lol but i'll have more to come since this is suppose to be where i can just write so thanks for reading this so far and welcome to the not so wonderful world of....WIMBLEY ( ya'll werent ready lol)