my last night being 25...

i figured that since this is my last night ever being 25 that i would write something about it. man i cant beleive it im about to be 26 years old. now thats something because its like when you make plans and put a time frame on them you dont realize that you really age with your plans. kinda cool actually. some people really dont like to hear that they are growing older but im glad i am. i'm here and im trying to handle business and the older i become that means the more of my plan i have accomplished or am coming close to accomplishing. i will admit i am a few years behind where i want to be. in the position i am in i thought i would be here at 24 but my mistakes well life lessons happened. but on the flip side im glad they did because had they not happened in my younger years(22-24) i still might not be where i am right now so thats something to build off of. im looking forward to 26 and beyond. the madness of the purpose of the 20's are hopefully almost over. plus i realized that everything i read says young people ages 20-25 so i guess im not young anymore either ah well it was fun while it lasted lol lol....so YEAH 26 !!!!! we made it and hopefully god willing we have plenty more to go but in the mean time LET THE PARTY BEGIN WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

I mean seriously YUP THIS KID IS VENTING SO PLEASE JUST LET HIM VENT

ya know there comes a point in time when people just need to honestly shut the fuck up. people are so stuck on the way they think that if something doesnt work in what they deem is right for whatever situation it may be, then they wanna say all negative stuff and honestly its dumb and childish. people kill me when they wanna say this is wrong and that is wrong and youre dumb blah blah blah but they dont look at the things they've done themselves, the messes they've caused because in there mind they are on point all the time. hell even im not on point all the time i know my mistakes and as i wrote in my "i dont expect people to understand" i know what i got to do. hell like me my mistake is holding people so close and being there for them. why because i dont like to see people suffer or have any troubles. do you think people understand that hell no. and yeah i know i keep people to close and help to much but guess what that was me.i like to see people happy, so me, fuck you... so people steady want to say what they want and fine say it, but dont be mad when somebody comes and knock you for you faults explination or not. which is funny because i realized some people cant take some one telling them those things, there's always a reason but hey you do that. people always want to stick to there reasons as to why but explain yours and its bullshit to them so then why is it wrong for some one to call yours bullshit ?!?! when you just did the same to them. its funny the world is full of outside in thinkers and thats great, i see why society is the way it is now. lending a helping hand even two helping hands is sooo wrong these days, and thats why i quit. people want to talk, let em talk. i know i learned to let people do it because in life people arent going to understand you, yet they want to give you situations all horrible as to whats is actually you as a person but never do they try to see some people actually do just act out the kindess of there heart not stupidity, but hey in this world do day kindness is shunned and being dumb or always on somebodies jock is the key answer tisk, tisk, tisk but people never think before they speak well i'll rephrase that they dont consider what they've done or how similar there situations were to anothers and somebody always and forever went way above and beyond and yet are left unappreciated but hey isnt that the world as we know it. everyone for themselves to get to the top fuck who you fucked over. just tell em 3 words and itll be ok i guess lol lolanother fault of mine loving to hard. i guess one thing about me is that if your with me then guess what your with me. i will do anything for you, money, school books, clothes, gas, food whatever its nothing to me because we are inthis together right ? wrong. as ive seen and experienced people will run you over and get what they can and treat you like the rubberband you are and just stretch you till you break and then guess what, you're the one tripping. because no matter what the person did to you they feel you taking it to far blah blah blah but yet you had there back when they couldnt even have there back and more but your tripping. now i can apply this to friends and family and i am. maaaaan im so tired of people and they shit. do me a favor grow the fuck up. seriously. like i mean ive been more than a friend, more than a relative, more than a lover for how long now. guess what its time to experience life. i use to want to protect everyone from the horrible pains because i didnt and still to this day have no one to depend on outside of one lady. but i mean as me and this one lady talked told me some shit that really really slapped the hell outta me. she commended me for doing what i do for friends, family, and lovers, because aint nothing wrong and she understands going above and beyond damn i love her so much why because im just like her. but when she said you know you've always taken care of yourself and the ones you hold dear to your heart. you make sure what you need is there and on point. but what about what you want ?? and thats when i said you know what you are right. all this time ive been giving myself the minimum what i need to make it, doing what it takes to keep everybody in my life happy even if they do hate each other for the same reasons which is funny. but since we had that talk a few weeks ago and we hit on it again a few days ago ive been really doing what i want starting to satisfy my needs. i explained it to a few people saying you know what im not your brain for you sure i'll be ther for you but guess what i gotta do what i want to do and not worry about what a person has and this and that. its your life you figure it out. and the people i told this to knew what i meant. sorry but hey im about to turn 26 and since i moved back here in 2005 ibe really halted alot for everyone lovers mainly but hey guess what i felt that there situations where there for us to work out but then i thought back, how many of them tried to work out mine but oh wait they didnt know all were to busy worried about themselves and i realize now nothings wrong with that if your single but when you have somebody a little love, some appreciation, and the whole truth keeps a fire going, so guess what theres a new wimbley in town, he really doesnt give a shit about what folks are going through to an extent. im still the friend who listens, and occasionally i can help you with something small but folks work out all ya own shit, work on gettin your shit straight. i mean dont get me wrong one thing i am glad of is that many people are on the road to getting it together thaanks to me and its a good feeling i helped them and things are looking up. god i dont know why some people dont have guidance or that compact wasnt placed in there genetic make up kit but some how i got em all who didnt have it and bought them some guidance and then they got the free gift of a harsh reality check because you put me here for a reason but ive realized that reason goes beyond just helping those around me that i know and i see that now. they were my foundation to know that, that is what i should get into to. if i can have such a great impact on there lives shouldnt i do the same for someone else who is in need, and thats where my new direction comes into play but it wont be unleashed just yet i want to work out all my details and the thing is inside ive always wanted to do this but everyone in my life held me back because my advice and help became a standard in there lives welp not anymore and they all know this so now mind me and everything im ready, to further my helping and hopefully take what is good in the network of me, and expand it and i hope it works i really do. ive saved many lives that i wont talk about, ive given many hope pertaining to gettin back in school, family situations, boy friends, girlfriends, whatever friends lol, just about there life and when i see somebody who i helped out a long ago or a get that phone call about thanks for what you said a whole back man in doing great this and that its a wonderful feeling (and thats why i say people let people do them becasuse you could potentially be ruining there purpose with your negativity.)and if my words can do this and good comes out of it, then maybe i have something here that i didnt realize but we'll see how this works out ya know but in the mean time people there's a new game plan and im the new coach, ive replaced the old wimbley, many wont like it, some will, honestly i dont give a fuck what you think or what you say :)~

now moving on lets talk about time and healing (since im on a roll why not) i dont understand some people's rational. why is it that i end up talking to people who just feel that can do whatever and then send you off and lie about it, then come with some explination, then tend to wanna fuck you over in all aspects of a relationship give you the "im sorry im gone change and do better" a total of 3 times. then you get tired of the same ole game with added extras you didnt sign the delivery form for and then they feel they can tell you the "im sorry im gone change and do better" again for the 4th time and your just suppose to be hunky dory. i dont think people understand this thing called pain and burnt out. i mean i know i have a dumb smile on my face and i know i may seem like a dummy but im far from it. i guess what people dont understand is that each time you break a promise no matter what your reasoning is the im sorries and the trust tend to die each time. so i mean seriously i dont see why people dont see that damn i did fuck up let me give this dude time to get himself back together not brign even more bullshit because wheather you did it intentionally or unintentially in your mind, it was still done. if a guy shots and kills some one on accident he isnt set free because he said it was a mistake, so whats the difference. my heart is my heart i love hard, but now im hurting big and people just cant see let me be me. dont tell me im stupid. its not like i can wake up and say i think i'll order me a new heart today and i'll be fine. to many situations, to much b.s., to many send offs, to many lies, this boy is really truely burnt out seriously and i dont see why peoplecant see that. i mean you promised me 3 times before you's step up 3 times !!! and yet im suppose to be open armed and willing on a 4th and then with all the other b.s. are you serious. questioning my love ??? really i guess besides all i did because i wanted to being there for you wasnt enough. guess i shouldve built you a tower of gold or quit my job and waited on you hand and foot. i gave you my love in full force and if you feel you have to question it then actually maybe this love isnt tailored for you. if you have to question love, then that says a lack of a whole lot, yes it does. but i dont know i tend to think these days if a person wants to put you through tons of b.s. ( not including attitudes, and not gettin certain things thats just how life goes sometimes but i only see that i guess) then maybe you arent where they want to be. no person deserves that, no heart deserves that. but people dont think of the ones they hurt its only about them and how they feel and what they think is right. fuck how im hurting you dont care because in your eyes its all explained but if explinations dont work for you, why should they work for me from you. i just dont get it. my hear it hurting because i gave my all and fell for a lie 3 times and now im just suppose to jump on a fourth ? im not a robot who's feelings can be changed like batteries, im human a living breathing person who loves the world and loves those who dont love him but yet im always wrong. so the best thing for me to do until my heart is where it needs to be because right now no one ( except one person) understands what i mean and am saying when i say im really hurting. and yeah i think of you and what you may be going through but your not thinking of me in that same manor. you listen to outsiders no name people who feed you b.s., you blow up on me for what is told to you. enough dirt has been told to me to cover the sears tower but yet i didnt act on it but thats just me, but your actions now caused me more pain more grief and you dont see that because to you its whatever so imma do the same. i guess im cursed. dont know what i did in a former life but maybe a little more understanding would be nice. hell it may help on communication because i wont talk to you because your just gonna blow up and blame it all on me for what is what we know now, the way things are now, which is funny because when we were together there was no talking to you because when i tried you didnt listen, you had nothing to say, or you would just relate it to you when it was about me at that moment in time. funny how people do that. but when i get a listening ear you get upset and say i dont try to communicate but you didnt take advantage of the windows i opened to talk to you. you turned them into your own windows but im always wrong even though i admit im not always right. so may you shouldve tried to listen more, be more truthful, try to be the one for me, and not hide thiings and do stupid shit and ruin a lot of thiings in my life outside of my feelings which you dont even realize you did or you just dont care you did which you prolly dont. funny how now that i think about it this relates to just about everyone i dated so no im not singling out just one person, but in saying that what does that say about me? bad choices,obviously, there to much, hell yeah, putting the world on a silver platter waay to much, definatly, giving to much love and to concerned about the happiness of others, THE WHOLE TRUTH ! so all in all maybe there are things i need to hold back on, but so should i like be out for me 75% of the time and us 25% hmmmmm now thats something to think about a convo for the next blog. but what im sayin is people if you gone want to be there for someone. nomatter what DO IT but dont fuck em raw, dont make promises you cant keep, but dont lie as well and remember TIME DOES HEAL ALL WOUNDS but some wounds are deeper than others but those shall heal to, and then the pain, your hurt, your suffering, the things people dont want to understand about you or refuse to, shall prevail and then those to shall pass....

i dont expect people to understand

i really dont expect people to understand but yet i feel like people dont give me enough credit to trust what im doing. i love hard and when i say this i mean everyone from friends, to family, to lovers. so in doing this i go the extra mile for all because i hate for people to struggle in anyway and if i can make there life easier then so be it. there arent to many people that are in a situation that i havent experienced, but yet when i went through it there was no one in my corner. i can say that ive been blessed, ive been double hard to get where i need to be and at the same time being there for those who needed me in there corner. there are so many jokes about me especially being captain save a hoe but thats cool because most of those who talk the shit dont have one in there corner so they wont understand but for the ones who do and yet you comment on others i mean seriously, do you not realize the same was done for you. but like i said i dont expect people to understand but at least try to feel me. as ive said at 25 ive lived a story that most people cant sit through, get put in institutions for but for me its ok. i hope and pray for better days and i always promised god that i wouldnt let his children whom i can reach struggle the way that i have because the pain is unbearable and only the strong survive. in the same token to an extent ive become a parent in a sense and by this i mean that its like when a parent needs to start loosing the ropes on there child because its time for the child to fly they dont. and im way guilty of that on all occasions, family, friends, and lovers. i guess it goes with me tryin to keep good on my promise and me not wanting people to hurt like i have i keep everyone close but i guess the fear of failing them and they hitting rock bottom and them not knowing what to do because honestly blog i know so many weak minded people its crazy. its like why are you so weak you dont know what pain is but yet, we all know pain just on different levels that we ourselves call the worst pain ever. but ive realized that i have to loosen my ropes, my children wont grow and my family wont bond, and my lovers wouldnt turn into lovers, if i continued to be the parent. my intentions are good but i guess whats good to me is dumb to everyone else and like i said thats fine because i dont expect people to understand because they arent me. hell outside looking in i'd probably slighty think damn you a dumb one breaking yo back for all these people, putting your wants, needs, dreams, desires to the side to help out lovers, going the extra mile for your friends, damn you really do to much but i'dd really be thinking when does he make time for him. and thats whats been missing. ive been so focused on trying to help everyone in my life get straight and make all there lives easier (which i have done somewhat) that i do what needs to be done for me, but what about what i want. i guess no one really seems to care because despite what people may be going through if you love me like you say you do, then you'd be their for me no matter what, not leaving me hanging in cold to figure my own shit out, but then again isnt that what children do to parents, to hell with the parent because usually its all about the children all the time. but just as i said i dont expect people to understand my actions, i do what i feel is right but its funny because people pass judgment but yet have no rights to do so. its time for mister wimbles to worry about mister wimbles because no one else is giving a damn about me. thats a proven fact. but no one will ever understand my reasoning until the take a walk in my shoes, then they can see how the boy who has been left alone to struggle on his own for majority of his life just didnt want his loved ones to end up doing the same in anyway, so yeah people in this world talk about me if you want its cool, its real, but im acting out of the kindness of my heart and reaching a low you know nothing about so sue me, but its like ive said before i dont expect people to understand and honestly im glad they wont be able to because that means you havent been near where i have and i thank god you havent...

is my passion coming back...

what up blog its me ya buddy just here to use you ear. so after having the longest day in america i came home and ended up reading other people's poetry. for those who dont know writing is my window to the world, my outlet because my words on paper understand me more than the people who could be the closest to me sad to say, but anyway i have had major writers block for some time know i guess you can call it life, stress, whatever but i havent had words formulate in the air for some time now nor have i wanted to write anything. ive just been blank. but as i sat and read other peoples poetry for the first time i felt the feeling come back to want to write to want to still acheive my goal of creating my book even if it doesnt get published and sold at least i know one of my accomplishments could be finished. many dont know but this is my third time attempt at writing this book. the first attempt i wrote so much but our house had caught on fire and all my papers went with it. a few years later i tried again and this time i wrote over 200 pages because it was 2 years of writing, well by bag was stolen with my book in it (songs included)... so after two shots at my dream going down the drain a while ago i picked up a pen and began to write again because things were happening, i was feeling new feelings of joy along with new feelings of pain. recently well a while ago i lost the will to write again actually i lost the want to do anything, my creative side left me and for undisclosed reasons i dont blame it. so hopefully me reading the work of others and also re-reading my own works i can try to get back on the path of my personal goal. ive been mainly focusing on work and school that i almost forgot, its the things you enjoy that make your life worth it so hopefully im back on the writers side of things but we shall see...

Dating ?!?!?!?!?!? really ?!?!?!?!?!?!

BLOGGY !!!!!!! hey i missed you !!! lol lol this is our first blog of 2009 check that out huh well blog i come to you today with something that i found interesting. so i was on a 3 way call with some friends of mine from the college days and we got to talking about relationships(the monogamous dating aspect of it). i thought what they had to say was interesting because it isnt the first time that ive heard this. one of the topics was how to treat your mate. now i thought this was intersting because i was slightly laughed at but in my personal opinion i think you should treat your mate like they're on top of the world. be there when they need you, make them feel special, just let your mate know and show your mate that yeah i do love you and there are times where you will have to go above and beyond the call of duty for your mate but hey it really shouldnt be a problem unless you were told otherwise about the situation but yet in still you do it ya know. i could go further into what else i thought about relationships in that respect but im not lol... well i was told that i was crazy and i thought this was interesting. i was told you cant give your mate the world and make them feel like they are on top because thats when they tend to not worry about you. thats when your relationship turns into they automatically expect you to do this and that because you have placed them on a pedestal and they arent coming off of it no time soon because you have in a way fucked yourself over.( im like oh wow ya know lol) then i was told you cant to much go above and beyond the call of duty for your mate because thats when they will again fuck you over because if you do it to many times once again they gone expect it all the time. and when doing things like this for your mate thats when the relationship no longer is about the both of you it becomes about them. and with you doing so much to get your relationship on top and keep it going your mate will more than likely begin to lie, act bogus towards you, blame actions on other things, and even cheat. now i was kinda taken back by all this because this isnt the first set of people who ive heard this from about there views on relationships. of course they said they are there for there mates and love them dearly will almost do anything for them (notice i said almost) but there is a line that you draw and once some years go past you slowly move the line. now honestly this was interesting. so now it has me to thinking is this what society has come to ? ive taked to people from all walks of life and majority say basically the same thing. i mean seriously is that what you have to do now, love 100 percent but not be there 100 percent and not do things 100 percent because in doing so your mate is gonna fuck you over. another one of my friends he was doing everything for this chick they were engaged and he was giving her the perfect life and she wasnt contributing at all he didnt care because he loved her and knew she had somethings going on. and he found out she was cheating and what she said to him was crazy, she said something along the lines of " you were just being to good for me, to perfect " sooo that causes people to cheat and not do what they are suppose to ? now the man is scared ya know this isnt the first time a chick did him in so now he's doing him and i feel bad for him because he's a really good guy, and he could make some chick happy but too make women messed him over and its like the him i knew wont be back and its crazy. so i take it people dont realize what they do to people and how they can potentially ruin them emotionally and mentally, because to him he's just chillin but its like the changes are so evident that you like damn good guy gone bad and its sad. yeah i took in a lot today right. but its like i was saying before is that what we've come to ? you gotta keep your mate guessing ? act shitty and everything else that you shouldnt do ? maaan cuz honestly i dont believe in that treatment i think you should love whole hearted as long as you gettin some sort of respect and love in return but after hearing people talking about it and knowing the things that i know that people have done maybe im the one who's got the ideas of what should happen in a relationship fucked up, i mean but treatin ya mate just bogus , man seriously ?? i think some growing up is in order or honestly maybe im just plain stupid in theory but who knows....