i dont expect people to understand

i really dont expect people to understand but yet i feel like people dont give me enough credit to trust what im doing. i love hard and when i say this i mean everyone from friends, to family, to lovers. so in doing this i go the extra mile for all because i hate for people to struggle in anyway and if i can make there life easier then so be it. there arent to many people that are in a situation that i havent experienced, but yet when i went through it there was no one in my corner. i can say that ive been blessed, ive been double hard to get where i need to be and at the same time being there for those who needed me in there corner. there are so many jokes about me especially being captain save a hoe but thats cool because most of those who talk the shit dont have one in there corner so they wont understand but for the ones who do and yet you comment on others i mean seriously, do you not realize the same was done for you. but like i said i dont expect people to understand but at least try to feel me. as ive said at 25 ive lived a story that most people cant sit through, get put in institutions for but for me its ok. i hope and pray for better days and i always promised god that i wouldnt let his children whom i can reach struggle the way that i have because the pain is unbearable and only the strong survive. in the same token to an extent ive become a parent in a sense and by this i mean that its like when a parent needs to start loosing the ropes on there child because its time for the child to fly they dont. and im way guilty of that on all occasions, family, friends, and lovers. i guess it goes with me tryin to keep good on my promise and me not wanting people to hurt like i have i keep everyone close but i guess the fear of failing them and they hitting rock bottom and them not knowing what to do because honestly blog i know so many weak minded people its crazy. its like why are you so weak you dont know what pain is but yet, we all know pain just on different levels that we ourselves call the worst pain ever. but ive realized that i have to loosen my ropes, my children wont grow and my family wont bond, and my lovers wouldnt turn into lovers, if i continued to be the parent. my intentions are good but i guess whats good to me is dumb to everyone else and like i said thats fine because i dont expect people to understand because they arent me. hell outside looking in i'd probably slighty think damn you a dumb one breaking yo back for all these people, putting your wants, needs, dreams, desires to the side to help out lovers, going the extra mile for your friends, damn you really do to much but i'dd really be thinking when does he make time for him. and thats whats been missing. ive been so focused on trying to help everyone in my life get straight and make all there lives easier (which i have done somewhat) that i do what needs to be done for me, but what about what i want. i guess no one really seems to care because despite what people may be going through if you love me like you say you do, then you'd be their for me no matter what, not leaving me hanging in cold to figure my own shit out, but then again isnt that what children do to parents, to hell with the parent because usually its all about the children all the time. but just as i said i dont expect people to understand my actions, i do what i feel is right but its funny because people pass judgment but yet have no rights to do so. its time for mister wimbles to worry about mister wimbles because no one else is giving a damn about me. thats a proven fact. but no one will ever understand my reasoning until the take a walk in my shoes, then they can see how the boy who has been left alone to struggle on his own for majority of his life just didnt want his loved ones to end up doing the same in anyway, so yeah people in this world talk about me if you want its cool, its real, but im acting out of the kindness of my heart and reaching a low you know nothing about so sue me, but its like ive said before i dont expect people to understand and honestly im glad they wont be able to because that means you havent been near where i have and i thank god you havent...

is my passion coming back...

what up blog its me ya buddy just here to use you ear. so after having the longest day in america i came home and ended up reading other people's poetry. for those who dont know writing is my window to the world, my outlet because my words on paper understand me more than the people who could be the closest to me sad to say, but anyway i have had major writers block for some time know i guess you can call it life, stress, whatever but i havent had words formulate in the air for some time now nor have i wanted to write anything. ive just been blank. but as i sat and read other peoples poetry for the first time i felt the feeling come back to want to write to want to still acheive my goal of creating my book even if it doesnt get published and sold at least i know one of my accomplishments could be finished. many dont know but this is my third time attempt at writing this book. the first attempt i wrote so much but our house had caught on fire and all my papers went with it. a few years later i tried again and this time i wrote over 200 pages because it was 2 years of writing, well by bag was stolen with my book in it (songs included)... so after two shots at my dream going down the drain a while ago i picked up a pen and began to write again because things were happening, i was feeling new feelings of joy along with new feelings of pain. recently well a while ago i lost the will to write again actually i lost the want to do anything, my creative side left me and for undisclosed reasons i dont blame it. so hopefully me reading the work of others and also re-reading my own works i can try to get back on the path of my personal goal. ive been mainly focusing on work and school that i almost forgot, its the things you enjoy that make your life worth it so hopefully im back on the writers side of things but we shall see...

Dating ?!?!?!?!?!? really ?!?!?!?!?!?!

BLOGGY !!!!!!! hey i missed you !!! lol lol this is our first blog of 2009 check that out huh well blog i come to you today with something that i found interesting. so i was on a 3 way call with some friends of mine from the college days and we got to talking about relationships(the monogamous dating aspect of it). i thought what they had to say was interesting because it isnt the first time that ive heard this. one of the topics was how to treat your mate. now i thought this was intersting because i was slightly laughed at but in my personal opinion i think you should treat your mate like they're on top of the world. be there when they need you, make them feel special, just let your mate know and show your mate that yeah i do love you and there are times where you will have to go above and beyond the call of duty for your mate but hey it really shouldnt be a problem unless you were told otherwise about the situation but yet in still you do it ya know. i could go further into what else i thought about relationships in that respect but im not lol... well i was told that i was crazy and i thought this was interesting. i was told you cant give your mate the world and make them feel like they are on top because thats when they tend to not worry about you. thats when your relationship turns into they automatically expect you to do this and that because you have placed them on a pedestal and they arent coming off of it no time soon because you have in a way fucked yourself over.( im like oh wow ya know lol) then i was told you cant to much go above and beyond the call of duty for your mate because thats when they will again fuck you over because if you do it to many times once again they gone expect it all the time. and when doing things like this for your mate thats when the relationship no longer is about the both of you it becomes about them. and with you doing so much to get your relationship on top and keep it going your mate will more than likely begin to lie, act bogus towards you, blame actions on other things, and even cheat. now i was kinda taken back by all this because this isnt the first set of people who ive heard this from about there views on relationships. of course they said they are there for there mates and love them dearly will almost do anything for them (notice i said almost) but there is a line that you draw and once some years go past you slowly move the line. now honestly this was interesting. so now it has me to thinking is this what society has come to ? ive taked to people from all walks of life and majority say basically the same thing. i mean seriously is that what you have to do now, love 100 percent but not be there 100 percent and not do things 100 percent because in doing so your mate is gonna fuck you over. another one of my friends he was doing everything for this chick they were engaged and he was giving her the perfect life and she wasnt contributing at all he didnt care because he loved her and knew she had somethings going on. and he found out she was cheating and what she said to him was crazy, she said something along the lines of " you were just being to good for me, to perfect " sooo that causes people to cheat and not do what they are suppose to ? now the man is scared ya know this isnt the first time a chick did him in so now he's doing him and i feel bad for him because he's a really good guy, and he could make some chick happy but too make women messed him over and its like the him i knew wont be back and its crazy. so i take it people dont realize what they do to people and how they can potentially ruin them emotionally and mentally, because to him he's just chillin but its like the changes are so evident that you like damn good guy gone bad and its sad. yeah i took in a lot today right. but its like i was saying before is that what we've come to ? you gotta keep your mate guessing ? act shitty and everything else that you shouldnt do ? maaan cuz honestly i dont believe in that treatment i think you should love whole hearted as long as you gettin some sort of respect and love in return but after hearing people talking about it and knowing the things that i know that people have done maybe im the one who's got the ideas of what should happen in a relationship fucked up, i mean but treatin ya mate just bogus , man seriously ?? i think some growing up is in order or honestly maybe im just plain stupid in theory but who knows....