Silly Bitch in Love....

Thinking back on the days
when it was you in my fall through spring
i loved you joyously
in my mind
there were no others
no side dips, sharing other peoples covers
it was just you and me, my earth partnered lover
soon i discovered
i was just another silly bitch like the others
i did all i could for you
cooked, cleaned, provided for you
just so you would know just how much i was into you...
i just did what i thought i needed to do
to make sure that you kept your love true
to me, to us, to this commitment we dreamed about
well i guess i  dreamed about
because you slowly turned
late nights out phone straight to voicemail
coming in early saying there were cars you had to trail
late night texts which made you smile
yet you couldnt have sex with me,
you dare to reject this wild child
so i slowly turned into the "Silly Bitch"
i fought harder and harder to keep you near
i did things that no one else would dare do
because i may have been growing into that silly bitch,
the silly bitch who loved you
but at the same time
i was just being that silly ass man for you
i accepted your stories even tho i knew they were lies
i accepted yo cheap ass, as i was the one who always had to buy
i accepted you telling me you loved me,
because in my mind those words made it all fine
you see this silly bitch did all he could to keep you around
i read the handbook, i wrote the codes down
keep yo man 101, i knew it backwards, forwards, sideways hell even for the "bi" ways
but yet i still wanted to be that man for you,
while you wanted to go screw everything that would let you
you brought undeniable pain to my heart
but i was silly enough to agree when you said lets give it another start
and i still ended up crying,
soul dying
pride... no more
but i still stayed yo silly bitch as you walked in the door
i still stayed yo silly bitch when you cried to me about what you were going through
and not once did you ever cry about me and you
i stayed that silly bitch when that kiss was no longer mine
i stayed that silly ass man when they were going to cut the power line
i stayed that silly ass man when you account was redder than mine
i stayed that silly ass man who accepted your lies....
so i guess thats what a silly bitch in love has to live by
heart break, betrayal, and denial
fake love, real pain, imaginary situations of things being alright
damn....
i was just so silly to keep loving you
but i hope you and your new silly bitch makes it through
because you willl never be half the man to him that i was to you......

I'm Tired... ( inspired by the song "Tired" by kelly price)

Im Tired
tired of the things life gives me
im tired
tired of the way people treat me
im tired
tired of the games i have to play
im tired
tired of my heart being lead astray
im tired
tired of waiting for what  love gives
im tired
tired of discovering what new pain is
im tired
tired of just giving me all
im tired
so tired i dont want to exist at all
im tired
tired of wearing the cape around my neck
im tired
tired of no one hearing the shouts and screams
im tired
tired of those who cant see the human in me
im tired
tired of mainting my peace and sanity
im tired
tired of doing right through some one else's wrongs
im tired
tired of rebuilding my soul, to just move on
im tired
tired of shots taken at my pride
im tired
so tired i just cant sleep at night
im tired
tired of the wars and the killings
im tired
tired of people and there believings
im tired
tired of peoples surface insecurities
im tired
tired of those who refuse to believe that this is real life, not somebodies day dream
im tired
tired of my bank accounts steady fall
im tired
tired of those who refuse to call, on the one who can change us all
im tired
so tired that i dont see my own self worth
im tired
tired of writing these sad words
im tired
tired that im feeling my heart fade
im tired
tired on waiting on the dawn of the coming age....
IM TIRED !

Reality is...

I'm trapped inside this reality

where i'm not the norm

forced to run and hide and just comply

for fear that i may lose my life

forced to live your way

having to agree with what you say

all because my feelings dont obey the message that your "good book" conveys

I am he this is true

i function as the best of you can do

i sleep, eat, and breath the same way you do

yet im still outcasted to the likes of you

inside you dont know how i hide

you dont know the internal tears ive cried

and the guilt, the shame, the fear i have to swallow deep down

just so i can wear that crown

you see in your world your free

you speak your mind

you drink you wine

you party freely and have a good time

as i continue to lurk in the shadows deep in the out skirts of your world

just to live out who i am

just to be who i was put here to be

i guess one day in time our worlds will collide

and from there on non of us shall hide

and the friend ship between me and you shall die

because then shall start the battle where i will fight you to save my life

where i will fight you to stand for whats right

where i shall fight you so that i can begin to live freely with brave might !

till then my friend continue to pray on the meek,

for the day will come it shall be the meek you will seek....

Long Distance in Time.....

right now im longing for your touch

wishing i had that kiss that greeted me nightly

wishing i could stare into those beautiful soft eyes

and just forget the pains of the world exist

im thinking of those times we use to share

the walks, the talks, the meals, the sex deals

everything that made "us" fantastically "real"

everything that made us what we are and yet what we aren't

but there's this space between us

a long distance that no human can control

the space where history is made

the space where hot becomes cold

in this space is where love can grow to unfold

into something so magical, so beautiful, a grand story to be told

im missing the nights laying under the stars

and im missing the heavenly sensation of my lips to yours

i just want to be wrapped around you so tightly

so that i can never let you go

so that you will always know that "my heart" is "your home"

but the reality still exist !

the long distance is what makes this impossible

the long distance is causing me to act illogical

because its keeping me away from you and the pain i have to swallow

yet every second i feel you closer and closer to my soul...

so until the day comes when we cross paths for the first time

until the day comes when i first fall in love with the first glance of your smile

until the day comes when your warmth becomes intertwined with mine

and the long distance found in time shall no longer divide

i'll hold these non-existent memories in my mind

so the day when my heart once again for the very first time becomes yours

and your heart becomes mine,

i can fill in each blank in my non-existent memories with the picture of your smile

i will remember a real scent from your body as your close to mine

and i will know the touch of your skin how heavenly and oh so devine

and then i can hear your voice as you whisper my name by the candle light

as i finally, taste your kiss an commit it to my mind by lock and boulder

so that it will forever be there to help my body,

when it begins to grow colder and whine

damn (sigh),

long distance sure does take time to ease these pictures,

created by my mind...

the search...

insearch of your love,my eyes discovered april's worst showers, which didnt bring may's beautiful flowers, or junes sunshine days, but instead my heart, broken into a million frozen pieces on that cold february day,lying in the palm of my hand its light of the love that was, slowly fades away...

Marie's Smile

There's this warmth that i feel


when i close my eyes

a warmth of love, a warmth of hope

there's this sensational feeling i can see

that has a heavenly face behind it

it's marie's smile

I can feel it glowing on me

showering me with your love, encouraging me

to go forth and be all that i can be

i feel its power, i feel your pure light

i just take a glimpse at your smile and

i know that everything i fear will be alright

you may not be here in the physical

but in the mental you are here for days

and i wouldnt want to have it any other way

your smile of love has helped us threw many days

weathered many of our storms, and protected us from unsightly harm

i see you, i feel you, you guide me, and sometimes

i swear you cry with me

marie your smile is never bitter, never cold

you smile on us and share with us your soul.

with every dark awakening day i have no fear, nothing horrible to say

because i know marie's smile is on the way...

you may be gone but your warmth lives on in our hearts, in our souls.

one day i'll see you at home....

love you

I'm fighting to stay alive....

I'm fighting to stay alive
putting my ear to my chest
i hear no sound
i feel no body heat
its dark where i am now
sitting folded up into a ball of pain
 a ball of fury,
a ball of hate
I'm giving up because i cant handle me
i cant stand to see me
cant stand to be me
so i sit here
letting me beat me
I'm fighting to stay alive
stabbed  in the heart by pain
kicked in the neck by the words
punched in the eye by the spirits of those who don't care
shot in the back by life itself...
I'm fighting to stay alive
I'm fighting to continue on in this new life
to see the light of the new day
to stay strong to be who i was destined to be
but the pain isn't changing
the drain is still draining
my tears are growing wider & wider & wider
I'm fighting to stay alive
in this dark trying to see the light in my own eyes
so i can once again awaken the survivor inside,
I'm fighting to change my life....

Chris Wimbley: the "commander" of his friendships

so ive been sitting back doing some thinking and its amazing how people can relate to people. for example i am THEE BIGGEST kelly rowland fan ever. not to knock beyonce or michelle dont get me wrong i love them they make great music but i LOVE i mean LOOOOVE kelly rowland. but why is that ? i mean i guess it starts with she is an aquarian (2-11) and so am i (2-10) i mean off the back HEY WE GOT A CONNECTION !! but i think this goes deeper than that. i set back and took a close look at kelly rowlands life. some family life of her's was rocky from when she was a little girl, ended up in the best girl group of all time, while in the group had a lotta funny  business going on, her "sister" for life is beyonce, blah blah blah so now your like whats the point. well behind these scenes kelly had it hard failed relationship after relationship, hard to get her career going because critics were and are always down her back, had issues with her looks up until her 20's which is when she discovered her self confidence and how beautiful she is, she's the sweet heart of the industry,yet people put her in the light 2 steps back and to the left of beyonce and  so on and so one. ok so now you prolly like "whats your point"

well lets take a look at this guy known as "chris wimbley" ready.... seeet.... GO! chris wimbley family situation rocky from the start ever since he was born its been tough, ended up in the circle of besties where shit happened and they all went through some changes, big brother of over 10 years to julius and jonathan whom he loves unconditionally, is getting the career going but there is always something in his way, had problems with his looks until he was in mid 20's and all of a sudden blossomed with some confidence outta no where, constantly called one of the nicest and realist in this "game" yet he always end up pushed into the back b.k.a. second runner up ( and its no shade)

so after i realized this and how much we have in common i realized why i love kelly rowland so much, why her voice intrigues me weather its a ballad or a pop song,r&b song, dance what ever she chooses to do i feel it. and yeah she may not write all of  her stuff alone  ( i do i found a difference hehehe) but i relate as if she followed me and i write as if i somehow followed her. now i know it may seem crazy but i mean i think we all have stars that we are drawn to somehow because either themselves or the person they portray through music, movies, whatever makes us feel a connection to them as if for some moment we become one in a way that is takes you on a journey not to many other artist can.

so yes i am the proud kelly rowland of my friendships. now dont get it twisted i dont say that to mean that i think im ugly and no im self-esteemless no no NO soo not saying that. what i mean is that its plain and simple. some people have got it easier than most and they JUST DONT REALIZE IT then there are those of us who have to work double hard mainly because we spent most of our lives feeling sorry for ourselves based on how others made us feel or didnt make us feel. but that is US it was meant for us to not have the easy life because i surely know i dont ! i have to and have put in double the work just to get where i am and i havent stopped. yes my best friends maaaan those dudes are the shit. they are mad attractive, they have the looks, the pull off any look, they have the charm, the personality they  "IT". hell actually majority of the people i know have "IT".for them it works and it is WHATS UP because they all do it and do it well. while me and kelly oh we have "IT" but its just our it isnt what the can draw just about anyone into the "influence" ( in kellys case just the united states she is a international super star don't get it twisted).and im not just saying from a dating aspect it goes to every corner and covers everything  from relationships, to friendships, jobs, hell even gettin the perfect subway sandwhich ( yes i used food) because to put it simply as i stated SOME OF US HAVE TO WORK EVEN HARDER TO GET WHAT WE WANT !!! we will find love, we will find happiness, we will be successful but for us it takes just more time and its life and its our lives and for those who have to work harder you just have to make it do what it do. life is about lessons learned to build you to who you are. im glad for everything thats happen to me because i see the world totally different than a LOT of people.its a gift and a curse but ill save that for a later blog lol lol

so to end this blog it goes like this. for us the kelly rowlands of the world ( please rise as i say this)you have two options you can either A) choose to feel and act like you are nobody and live off of what happened to you in your past and how your life has been tragedy after tragedy and you can play the woe is me no one loves me card and chose to sit in the back and act like you arent a worthy contender in this thing called life or you can B) find strength in your life from what happened to you in the past and grow from it. use it to fuel your hunger for success and shoot for not the stars but what lies behind them and know no matter what you are putting your best foot foward. now years ago i chose option B because its simple and there no other way to put it. i am 'Chris Wimbley" and there is nan other so why not be the best i can be. we obviously know which one kelly rowland chose, Now answer me this,WHICH OPTION ARE YOU!?!?!?!


this is chris wimbley your "commander" signing out (wink)

This feeling...

there's this feeling that im keeping deep inside that i cant let out
a feeling that tells how i really feel
a feeling that shows just how vulnerable and regular that i can be
this feeling encompases the real me
its a feeling that has brought me plenty of shame
yet at the same time it has made these brown eyes rain tears of pain,tears of being frightened,
tears that have ran down this face before
i dont want these tears anymore
im tired of drying my eyes because i cant hold it together for longer than 12 hours
im tired of drying my eyes because i feel lost in the distance yet im here and can see me there
im just tired....
ive tried my best to do what im know to do
but i have to take a step back and look and myself in the mirror, just to see if i know who is staring back
i dont...
i use to know him
he was a kind man, a gentle man, he cared for the world as if he helped god make it
he use to feel the pains of those he didnt know and the bled the wounds of those he did
he knew joy, he knew peace, he know everything to make everything alright
then "it" happened
and "it" kept happening and happening UNTIL....
he couldnt take it anymore
he is only human and there is so much his heart can take when it did beat
you see he is now like the children of the night
he's dead yet alive, walking, talking, yet no heart beat
i dont want to end up like he, yet i was he,  i am he, and soon to be he
and it all revovles around this feeling that im keeping inside
i have to keep it in, because for the upteenth time im wounded again
i dont see a reason to smile everyday when i think about "that"
i dont see a reason to look forward to growing into a future that right now is just 30 shades of pitch black
no reason, no season, no memory, no thoughts.
i'd just rather sit here with this feeling as i stare at the grave of a shattered heart.
this feeling you run me and i ask you WHY !?!?!
cant you just go somewhere else,
cant you just let me be,
i want to sit here and be me, see me, not dream of me
this feeling you stab me with every chance you get
you tie me by the legs latch them to a horse and let my head feel the bump of every hoof hit
this feeling you are there yet i cant let you be seen in me
because if i do, then everyone will see just how lonely you and i have turned to be
and then they will know that "he" has not given up on love
they will learn that i to want the house the fence the dog the kids
they will hear the pain that i extract from my words as i release them out my mouth
they will see the that the light in my eyes has went out.
that feeling i must hold you to keep you in me,
because i cant risk anyone else getting hold of you,
because everyone deserves a chance to expereince what can be
so im sorry i cant let you roam free to infect the rest of these human beings
to make them insecure and want to sit in a darkroom just to breath,to live, to exist to be
i cant let you over power those who are weak and cant take the horrors ofwhat you bring
i have to keep you here locked inside of me
what is this feeling ?
say hello to the  feeling of misery...........

my last night being 26- this is dedicated to the butterflies

hey bloggy ! wow what can i say. the time is upon us and i am about to become an age older. i think im ready, actually i know im ready. im ready to grow older im ready to become wiser, im ready to become a better person than the one i am right now. god has blessed me to be able to see this milestone in my life and unto him i am greatful. god i hope that i am doing the job you placed me here to do, i hope i am making you proud, im trying my best. i am so full of flaws and error and i apologize but use me how you have to in order to make this world a better place...

wow 2010 in itself has been interesting for lack of better words. this year has been rocky for me but there is nothing placed on me that i cant handle. even though its only about 40 days or so into the new year i have learned something that we are always told. sometimes you are in a persons life for a reason and you stay there until thy work is done no matter how the situations may change. this year has given me great examples of that. sometimes you are placed into a persons life in order to get them on the jump start to greatness. you see sometimes a person maybe missing a key to a door and you just so happen to be the key that opens it and also the hand that grabs there's and says " come on we can do this, so that you can do this" and i see that now.  i see why eventually catapillers leave and build there own cacoon. they build this cacoon because they have taken the experiences they've had to that point, and now its time for them to transform into something greater. they transform into beautiful butterflies. you see we all are catapillers at one point and we all turn into butterflies. just like butterflies each of us are different yet radiate such beauty if we come to accept and understand what must be done and what we have to give and sacrifice to get there and to get others there. sometimes you just end up being there or awake at the right time, sometimes you put all of your heart on the line sensing a risk, but why be selfish and not let a catapiller get a taste of what butterflies do, yes you see when you give it all you got truth, power, and greatness will prevail regardless. what may hurt now only makes you butterfly wings grow stronger and more beautiful....

i challenge you to believe in yourselves. this can be a birthday gift to me because i dont want anything else. believe in yourself, love yourself, come to know yourself, trust in yourself, and watch how you begin to see the world in a different light, just like a butterfly does, and as you continue to fly high to live your life to the fullest never stop soaring. for you see fly towards the terrestrial plains and achieve goals that regular eyes cant see, acheive those goals and then fly higher.

happy birthday butterflies 1)we will always be friends i am here for you always in the dark and the light, in times when you feel lost with no direction as to how the windblows i am forever here for you,2) even if we never speak again, and  3) i will always love you...

oh and as for me LET THE PARTY BEGIN !!!!DONT BE JEALOUS OF MY BOOGIE, DONT BE JEALOUS OF MY BOOGIE !! :-)

The HEro....

This is something else i wrote a while ago. hope you enjoy


Able to leap tall buildings in a single bound
able to turn any frown upside down
I am the hero
able to take the glass dust of a broken heart and make it new again
able to think a head to a action plan before the enemy can re-coup again
I am the hero
in under 60 seconds i can be by your side
and in under 60 minutes you are guranteed to no longer cry
when i go into my booth to change to whom im needed to be
i am the son, the brother, the best friend, the lawyer, the cousin
for these outfits change to whom it needs to be
no need for the love emblem because right now that buried in the tomb of the old me
I am your hero
i can carry you all on my shoulders
with no complaints from the pair
i was told i had the hearted touch of a healer
a touch that spreads everwhere to every human being to everything that needs it
for you see destiny chose me to help her in her duty, and i involuntarily accepted
i wil be the hero, to save those who my heart so cherishes
to give hope to those who think they've hit rock bottom
to be there for those who feel life is over, to help them understand
that its only the beginning to new life
for new life brings new situations that create new meanings to help us in our journey
so i chose to be your hero so that you can be all that you can be in this life, in eternity...
i'm able to leap tall buildings in a single bound
able to turn any frown upside down
able to be in a million places at once
for its easy to save everyone else
but the question is how does a hero learn to save himself ?...

ya average "human Being"

This is something i wrote a long while ago. just thought id start posting things on my blog

there's this pain im sworn to live with
an aching, a curse, a punishment from men before me
I am "lonely"
i live my life just as the rest of you do
i push myself to limits far beyond you
just so that i can place 10 steps behind you
yet still i have no love thats true
so what is it i do to you ?
why is it you persecute me?
why deny me? why not just try me and you will see
that im just ya average human being
i speak like you do
i cry to the same sad tunes
i breathe to the best of what these lungs can do
yet im still tied down by my two hands
and still able to do the work of a million men
i hurt, i yearn, i sacrifice, i digress !!
all that prove just one thing
i am just a human being
dont i deserve to feel the warmth of some ones love?
dont i deserve to be the best and enjoy the joys of my nest
where this love can manifest into great-ness
instead of fading into the grey-ness
as the days go by, as the clocks tick away
my mind wonders who will heal this wounded soldier ?
who will be my love's savior ?
because if i am to be alone
if i am to forever be bound to the walls of this single man's home
then please god let my love roam
roam free from land to land
roam from from woman to woman, man to man
from child to sea, to the heaven's and all that is inbetween
just so that the greatest love that is contained by this man,
could be the greatest love that could bring joy
to those who need it in this land.
alone i stand tall
looking in this mirror
questioning what is at fault
what is at large
what is to small
did i not truely give my all ?
i can feel this love beating in my chest
its waiting but yet its slowly wanting to finally rest
this love is emancipating itsself to be its final best,
but i fear that its best just wont be accepted by "my" crows nest.....

GUESS WHO'S BIZZAACK !!!

BLOGGY !!!! man how ive missed you !! i know you like yeah right, i know i know its been almost a year since i blogged on you and im sorry im horrible i know lol but im back and bout to use you to the max. its been almost a year and ive had more things happen, more topics i want to tell you about and plus im gonna be adding some stuff i write in the near future to you ( hope you dont mind) so be ready bloggy we got a LOT of catching up to do lol